tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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