Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
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