I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
My balls are so social today.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
