I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
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