I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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