so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
