All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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