Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
