you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
