Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize