we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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