I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Randomize
