How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
