Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Sext me about skeletons
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
