I think my fart just growled at me.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
