i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
