we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
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