so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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