Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Randomize
