I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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