): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Randomize
