When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
