My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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