he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
