She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
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