I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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