I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
