you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Swine flu is the new snow day.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
