kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
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