i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
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