My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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