The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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