I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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