Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
