her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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