My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Randomize
