I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
