Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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