We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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