I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I'm at about main and main street
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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