Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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