I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Panties = found
Randomize
