So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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