Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Randomize
