see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
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What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
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You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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