can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
there was a trapeze. enough said
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
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There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Watching her eat just hurts me
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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