It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
