Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
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