"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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