For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
