I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
they call him Oral-B. enough said
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
