I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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