I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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