did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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