omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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