I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
