I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
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