I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
