If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
