***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
