My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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