I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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