Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
