my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
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I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
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One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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