all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
